fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
