I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
