my phone needs a breathalizer
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Drake has all the answers
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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