We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
