ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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