wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize