Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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