SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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