i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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