first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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