meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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