so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im six kinds of drunk right now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
