Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
