Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize