we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize