I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
