just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
