I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
