Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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