she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
