I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
