Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
