Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
