He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
