HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
