It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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