My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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