What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
