we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize