I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
