I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
