God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
