I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
