did you get engaged???
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
