I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
