i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
