We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
