im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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