I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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