On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
