I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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