During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
