My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
