Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
