Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mom said you looked used
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
