you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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