YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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