So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
