I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize