I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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