I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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