i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize