Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
