on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
