I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
