It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
3 2 1 whiskey
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize