return my video game
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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