Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
