just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
