I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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