He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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