cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
