I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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