chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
