Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
