god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You made out with two different species that night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
