Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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