how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
