So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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