I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
