Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize