i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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