Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
