It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
