sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
